


Fly, Pupa, Fly!

by in_fini



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Drunken Shenanigans, Gen, Party
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-01-09
Updated: 2012-01-09
Packaged: 2017-10-29 06:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/316767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/in_fini/pseuds/in_fini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Kink Meme.</p><p>At a holiday party, Vriska drunkenly decides to enact a plan to make Tavros pity her (somehow) by kidnapping his matesprit Dave.  With her moirail John's help, Mindfang kidnaps Wendy in a ploy for Pupa's heart.  Pupa must rescue his matesprit with the power of PITY, FRIENDSHIP and/or TEQUILA!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Joooooooohn, guess wh8 I want to do!"

"Vriska, I think we've sung 'How Do I Live' too many times, and Karkat broke the karaoke machine anyways, so once again, no."

"No, stupid 8oy, I have a plan. A plan to, to make Tavros pity me!"

"I keep telling you that Tavros has a perfect right to fall in love and date anyone he likes, and he and Dave are just the best couple, although Dave _still_ refuses to admit they're dating -"

"See? If one person doesn't think they're d8ing, then they're not! Them's the rules!"

"Um, I'm pretty sure that's just Dave being ironic, and remember the last time you tried something like this? It didn't end up so well then! I think maybe you should stop drinking..."

"Th8. Is the silliest thing I've ever heard! I've 8arely drunk ANYTHING! And you haven't even heard the plan yet!"

"If I listen to the plan, will you agree to go home?"

"So meddlesome! There's never 8een such a meddly human, ever! It's a good thing I need you for the plan, John."

"This is sounding worse and worse by the second, Vriska, so tell me so I can take you home."

"Okay, so. So. Soooooooo........"

"Vriska, you have definitely drunk waaaaaaaay too much, let's go home -"

"No, I got it! See, we, we kidnap Dave, and we tie him up, with, like, stuff, and we take him to my pir8 ship - oh, and we're FLARPing as notorious 8uccaneers Marquise Mindfang and General Tesla - and we force Pupa Pan to fight us for him, and then he'll see how much 8etter I am than th8 stupid douche8ag!"

"...I don't think you've thought this through."

"Think of your praaaaaaaankster's gambiiiiiiiit!"

"...Oh my god, yes, it would be the greatest prank, I can just imagine the looks on everyone's faces, thanks Vriska! I think I maybe better clear it with Dave first though, my prankster's gambit will be high enough as it is!"

"John, the entire point of kidnapping is to spring it on the victim!"

"Hmm, good point. I'll lure Dave out, and you surprise him!"

"You're the 8est moirail ever, John. This is the 8est Christmas present."

"Please don't get weepy, Vriska. Promise me we aren't going to hurt anyone."

"What a goody-two-shoes! Yes, I promise!!!!!!!!"

"Yes, this is going to be so sweet!"

"Okay, so after you lure Dave out, I'll start leaving clues..."

\-----

You are just drunk enough to openly stare at Tavros from behind your shades and not care. He's barely into his first cup of punch, and is talking to Jade about something that excites her enough to make her put her cup down. Goddamn. It's a party, why aren't they drinking? Sometimes you wonder why you're dating such a lame, non-drinking, adorable bastard -

"Hey Dave! I want to show you something!" Goddamn John. Why even invite these guys to parties when they don't drink? What do you even do at parties when you don't drink, play Scrabble?

"'M busy, doin' my DJ thing, or haven't you noticed these sick beats making this party barely toler'ble? 'N I'm taken now, no more gay chicken for us."

"Dave, we will always be the most platonically gay best bros in the history of best bros, but this is way cool, just trust me, you'll love it!" He's bouncing up and down just like in fucking kindergarten, and you give in, just like you did in kindergarten and all the grades following that one. You put on a playlist and follow him out the back door of Feferi's sorority house.

"Pffft, I don't believe you for a second. Prob'ly some stupid prank again, honestly, we're finally in college and you're still, prankin' people like we're twelve or somethin', Feferi was nice enough to let us steal this party room from the normal denizens of that flophouse, swoonin' college girls, and you're sneakin' me out the back door to do somethin' that prob'ly has _nothin'_ to do with college girls -"

"Dave, you came out, like, a whole month ago, and started dating Tavros, remember? You don't need to put on the straight coolkid act anymore!"

"As if I'd forget, it's just a sort of habit I'd picked up somewhere, and I was talkin' about you, mister 'ain't never kissed nobody'-"

"Dave, it's hilarious when your Texan comes out and all, but we've reached our destination!" You stop talking at him and look around. John is beaming at you in the way you really should learn to distrust.

"The fuck, John, this is just a bunch of trees, what kinda prank are you tryin' to pull -" And then he tackles you to the ground.

\-----

Tavros agreeably went to refill his and Jade's punch cup, and found a plastic bag floating in the punch bowl. Like the nice person he was, he fished it out and put it in the trash can, totally not noticing the note inside it.


	2. Chapter 2

You give Egbert your best not-very-inebriated-anymore glare. "Dude, no way are you tying me up with duct tape."

"You refuse to be tied up with my yo-yo string, fishing line, and now duct tape? You are pretty much the worst captive ever." He rolls his eyes and you kick him.

"Hey, I agreed to let you kidnap me, didn't I? And duct tape hurts when you pull it off, dipshit. Why don't you have some rope or something, you spent like twenty years in the Boy Scouts."

"I do, but it's in our dorm room in my emergency pack! Be a good kidnapping victim and stay here, okay?"

"I'm going to make a run for it if you leave, just saying. Where are we, anyways?"

"Don't you dare, and we're like, three blocks off campus -"

 _I could stay awake, just to hear you breath-_ \- John fumbles for his phone, and you cross your arms and affect boredom.

"Vriska says that he's not taking the, um, the BB?" He frowns at it for a second before his face clears. "Oh, the bait! Tavros isn't taking the bait, Dave."

"Well shit, who's going to save my maiden ass now."

"She sounds kind of excited, and says she's coming up with a better plan, and to meet her - oh, Dave, I forgot I brought my handcuffs, here!" An unholy grin lights up his face and you hit the ground for the second time that night.

\-----

Tavros gave Jade her drink. "Thanks Tavros! It's nice to see everyone, isn't it?"

"yEAH, iT IS, eSPECIALLY WHEN THEY'VE STOPPED ARGUING,,, bUT, uM, dO YOU KNOW WHERE DAVE AND JOHN WENT?"

"Hmm... nope!"

"oH,,, cAUSE DAVE'S MY RIDE, sEE, aND THEY'VE BEEN GONE FOR HALF AN HOUR,,, wHAT IF THEY GOT MUGGED, oR SOMETHING,"

"John and Dave can take care of themselves, I wouldn't worry about that -"

The lights went out, and a babble of voices rang out.

"I FUCKING HATE HOLIDAY PARTIES, I BET ALL THE SO-CALLED FESTIVE LIGHTS SHORTED SOMETHING OUT. HARLEY, I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA."

":33

"That wwasn't me -"

"--ERIDAN, I t)(oug)(t I told you -"

"WHY 1S 3V3RYON3 4NGRY? WH4T H4PP3N3D? 3V3RYON3 SM3LLS SL1GHTLY P1SS3D - D1D TH3 B4R CLOS3?"

A previously unseen spotlight went on in the middle of the room, and illuminated a walkie-talkie.

"Hello, Pupa."

Tavros caught Jade's questioning glance as Karkat stormed forward and grabbed the walkie-talkie. "HEY, SHITLICKING NOOKSNIFFER, I WILL FIND YOU AND TEAR YOUR CHITINOUS WINDHOLE OUT THROUGH YOUR WASTE CHUTE AND USE IT TO STRANGLE YOU."

"I wasn't talking to you! This is Mindfang speaking -"

"VRISKA, I WILL NOW DO THE ABOVE, BUT WITH PLEASURE."

"MINDFANG! Pupaaaaaaaa..."

In the dim light, Tavros saw everyone looking at him. He shrugged helplessly. Jade shoved him forward into the spotlight, and Karkat pushed the walkie talkie into his hands, and he hesitantly took it.

"uM, aRE YOU TALKING TO ME?"

"Hiiiiiiii, Pupa. I want to play a game."

Tavros, confused, mouthed "i HAVE NO IDEA," at the incredulous faces and responded, "uM, vRISKA, aRE WE RECREATING SAW, oR SOMETHING?"

"No, you idi8, I'm Mindfang! I have something th8 you want, Pupa. Something very dear to you."

"uM,,, mY VINTAGE PUPA PAN MOVIE POSTER? wHICH ONE DID YOU STEAL, tHE ONE WITH RUFIO, oR THE DISNEY ONE?"

"Oh, you 8lathering - here, I'll give you a clue!"

Tavros froze when Dave's voice came out of the walkie-talkie. "Name, rank and serial number."

"That wasn't that great a joke, Dave, but that was really all we needed from you, so here you go Vris-"

"He's WENDY, you 8lu88ering excuse for a moirail! And I'm Mindfang!"

"My bad, Mindfang, it's been so long since we FLARPed -"

"You guys know John's still holding the talk button, right."

The voices cut out in a burst of static, and the lights came back on. Tavros stared at the walkie-talkie.

"dID,,, dID THEY KIDNAP DAVE? wAS THAT A THING THAT JUST HAPPENED? bUT JOHN WON'T LET HER HURT HIM,,, rIGHT?"

Karkat rolled his eyes. "JOHN WOULD RATHER EAT CAKE MADE FROM A BETTY CROCKER MIX THAN LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO YOUR MATESPRIT. STUPID PRANKING ASSHOLE. THANKS TO THE BOTH OF THEM, THIS PARTY IS RUINED. NOT THAT I WAS ENJOYING IT OR ANYTHING. I'M OUT OF HERE." He sent a wave over his shoulder as he walked out.

"SO M1NDF4NG H4S K1DN4PP3D TH3 COOLK1D. 1 THOUGHT SH3 H4D C34S3D H3R CR1M1N4L W4YS, BUT NOW, JUST1C3 W1LL B3 S3RV3D." She had slipped her Redglare outfit on in the dark, and was now leaning on her cane cackling to herself.

Jade laid a hand on Tavros' shoulder. "Don't worry, I think Terezi's up for rescuing him -"

"R3DGL4R3!"

" - and of course I'll help, this is like the hunts Bec led me on -"

Rose and Kanaya drifted over. "We'll join the search as well, now that this party has taken an interesting turn."

"Yes, Quite. Tavros, I Have A Feeling That This Is Not An Ordinary Kidnapping -"

The walkie-talke crackled to life again. "This is your first clue, Pupa! Tick tock! At midnight, Wendy walks the plank!"

"That was not very subtle. Honestly, I'm rather disappointed. Perhaps the generous amount of alcohol in Vriska's system has lowered her ability to scheme."

"tHAT MEANS THE CLOCK TOWER, rIGHT,"

"Yup! Let's go!" Jade turned to barrel out the door when Terezi slid in front of it, held her arms out, and grinned in a direction slightly left of where they were.

"1, N3OPHYT3 R3DGL4R3, W1LL BR1NG M1NDF4NG TO JUST1C3. 1 4ND NO OTH3R. T1CK TOCK 1ND33D, M1NDF4NG." She slunk out into the night, her grin the last thing to disappear.

"yOU KNOW, iS PLAYING HER GAME THE BEST WAY TO THWART MIND- i MEAN, vRISKA? iT'S NOT AS IF SHE'S GOING TO HURT DAVE, aND MAYBE WHEN THE ALCOHOL WEARS OFF, sHE'LL REALIZE HOW SILLY, uM, tHIS IS?"

"I Suspect That Vriska Has A Motive Besides Simply Pranking Us, Although John's Is Probably Just That."

"Guys, come on, we have a maiden to save! This is just like the stories Bec used to tell me -"

And they all followed Jade's bouncing figure out the door into the unseasonably warm night.

\-----

You attempt a little wave as Karkat's loudly struggling figure comes towards you. Both your arms come up when you try it, however, so you quickly drop them. "Hey, Karkles, you a POW too?"

"FUCKING BLUE-EYED BASTARD WAS WAITING TO AMBUSH ME -"

"And I can tell you put up a fight, all four foot eight of you -"

"I'M NOT THAT SHORT YOU SHITEATER, AND YOU GOT TAKEN DOWN BY THIS TOOL TOO. WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT YOUR MUCH VAUNTED MARTIAL SKILL, STRIDER. WHAT. DOES THAT SAY."

"Pfft, least I didn't just roll over and let him rub his hot lumberjack hands all over my body -"

"Dave, I don't have lumberjack hands!"

"So all the rest of that was true?" You assume it was, because you can see Vantas' blush from ten feet away and sitting on the sand of the old-fashioned metal playground. "Oh, Karkitty, did you purr when he petted you -"

"Dave, I didn't pet him!"

"Now you deny it, but look at him blu-"

"EGBERT, WHY DID YOU ABDUCT ME? I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH VRISKA'S INEXPLICABLE INFATUATION WITH TAVROS -"

"I agree, completely inexplicable why anyone would want to date him. I'm actually doing it for my irony gauge."

"Oh hush, you two, you have plenty of time to argue while Vriska and I set up the next part of the plan! I think I better put you far enough away so you can't fight each other though."

"Egbert, I am not attached in any way to the playground. You can go attach good old beep beep meow over there though, and I will promise not to bruise his tender skin."

"YEAH, YOU BETTER ATTACH ME, HIS INTERNAL ORGANS ARE BEGGING TO BE CLAWED OUT."

"...Right, I'm attaching the both of you decently far away from each other!"

As he ties you to the base of the slide with the freshly retrieved rope, you ask him, "Why is it that I have to give you advice on how to properly capture and retain prisoners."

"Cause you're my best friend!"

You have nothing to say to that. You do kick his shin though.


End file.
